Lemon Law - The 5 worst Dates I've ever had.

Warning: The following contains gratuitous use of the F word.

Since I’m single, I am invoking The Lemon Law, as described by Barney Stinson in episode 8 of season 1. Why? I’ve been on some absolutely atrocious dates. Of all the episodes I’ve seen so far, this is one of the best references of them. (Note: I’m in the middle of season 4). Here are my 5 worst dates in the history of my dating (Believe it or not, there are about 25 total, but these are the worst of the worst):

5. The date where the girl got so drunk that she puked on my lap. Twice. Oh did I mention she was slightly drunk when she showed up.

4. The date where she ordered a salad and I ordered a steak with a baked potato and she tried picking off my plate and I went back to my Friends days and told her “MARCUS DOESN’T SHARE HIS STEAK." (Yes this happened).

3. the blind date where the girl talked as if she was talking to an infant. you know, baby talk? Oh yes, this lasted the entire date. One painful hour long dinner. Fucking. Kill. Me.

2. The date where I got a pet name 44 seconds into the date. 44. Fucking. Seconds. I forgot my name was Marcus for two days. Oh the pet name? Angel LOVE Baby. (Don’t even know what the hell that means). 

1. The date where I got exactly three words in. She talked non stop and I learned so many uninteresting facts about her that my brain exploded halfway through the dinner. Before Dinner arrived, I told her I was “going to the bathroom," found the waitress, had her box my food up (Because let's face it, food shouldn't go to waste), paid for the meals, and left without going back to the table.

Judge all you want. I don’t care. I’m invoking Lemon Law when needed. Fact. And I’ll do it as often as necessary. I will carry these coupons around and give them out as needed. I HAVE SPOKEN!

Movies, Jobs, and Shishkabobs

Hello!
It's been a few weeks since I've written any blogs! Wow.

1. Been a crazy Summer so far. I've done a lot. Still jobless! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. But I've been writing, editing, learning, applying for jobs, laughing, more laughing, and dance fighting my shadow.
2. But I've spent an insane amount of awesome time with Jordan. Like the best time. I can't wait until Sunday when he gets back here.
3. Started Book 2 of my series. That has been great. Still waiting on an actual publication date for book 1. I think it's going to be 2015 now. Ugh.
4. The scripts I had requested in France (3) have all been written. The feature film version of the Tent is still my favorite. The locations below have all been written into the movie. Three feature films in 60 days.
   
   Tanah Lot, Bali
   
   
   
   Hamilton Pool, Texas
   
   
   
   Tulip Fields, Netherlands
   
   
   
   Wisteria Flower Tunnel, Japan
   
   
   
   Palawan Island, Philippines
5. Speaking of The Tent, I am so excited to shoot the short film. We have such a great little cast and crew working with us. I need to focus on the Poster, the shots. Thank you Shelly B, you are fantastic. It's going to be visually wonderful to accompany what I think is a great story. I think we did A-Ok with the Last Dance, but every time you step behind the camera, or in front of it as an actor/actress...you want to exceed what you did previously. Learn from it, build on it. That's this movie. A bigger challenge with an insane amount of locations in both Arizona and California. It's the challenge of putting it all together and keeping it at a 15 minute time limit. Sundance deadline is August 26th. We will make that deadline.
6. Still trying to put a screening together for all of our work in August. We just need a date.
7. Can't wait to go to Alaska in August. Been nearly 5 years since I went home...
8. If you watch one show this fall, watch this One. Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
9. Is it football season yet! I'm ready for the Cowboys to let me down like they always do. Speaking of, I already picked this years Super Bowl winner, but you have to wait until August to see who it is. Let's eliminate the following: Browns, Cowboys, Bears, Saints, Lions, Rams, Eagles, Cardinals, and Titans.
10. Watched all 9 seasons of the series Scrubs for the first time. At the end of Season 8, this is that moment that made me realize:

• it's a great show
• I want a wife/girlfriend like that
• I'm a lot like Turk
• I want a brolove like J.D. and Turk
• This is the greatest moment of this show. If you don't shed a tear, you're a monster. You don't even have to watch the show to realize how great this moment is in TV history
• Whatever, I teared up during this montage. 
• Who wants to be my J.D.?
• I LOVE THIS SHOW

Hope your Summer is going fantastic so far!