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Fatherly Advice

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The Quest

Hello All,


Well, this probably is my final blog from AZ. So I figured I would take sometime to say some good-byes, and outline some goals for the impending move to CA.

Today's song is brought to you by Bryn Christopher. I heard this song watching Grey's Anatomy during season 4 and it instantly became a favorite. Ironically, I also thought it was sung by a woman. Boy was I wrong. Way wrong. Like off by a full gender.

It's seriously an awesome song though.

So with that, here is today's blog. It's my final farewell to AZ.

Ten Things I'm pretty sure I think: A Comparison of July 1, 1998 and July 1, 2011  

1. Ironically the same day I moved to AZ 13 years ago (July 1st) is the exact day I'm moving this year.
2. This is the longest I've lived in one spot. Growing up in witness protection was hard.
3. I moved here with two friends by my side (Wagg and Nags) and leaving with about 1,000+ new ones.
4. I moved here a single man, and pretty much leaving the same way.
5. I moved here with no child, and leaving with one freaking awesome son, who's mother is probably one of my bestest friends in the world, and I love them to death.
6. I moved to AZ with $713.00, leaving with 13.00. Thanks AZ.
7. Contrary to what everyone believes, 13 is lucky for me (13 is my son's bday, I've been attacked by 13 ninjas...and lived, I've survived Jason's sexual advances on Friday the 13th, and I've lived in AZ for 13 years.)
8. I came to AZ an immature 18 year old, and leaving AZ just as immature but 31.
9. I leave terrible memories behind here, some would say I'm running from them, and they are absolutely right, one in particular. But there also are tons and tons of great ones, of which I'll cherish forever.
10. What's really funny...is that 4.5 hours away, isn't that far from AZ, but CA is an entirely different world...wrapped in bacon.

The Quest, and what I'm seeking -

People often talk about "taking the shot." You know taking the shot at what they really want. Well, I think I've waited long enough to take mine. So I'm going for it. Hitting LA hard. I've always wanted to be a TV writer, which leads to movies and other stuff, so I'm going after it.

It's a scary proposition. Leaving a job I've gotten used to, comfortable with. But I guess about 2 years ago I reached the point where I wasn't happy with my job and it made me more stressful/irritable and at times unbearable to be around. Life is short, and it should be lived in a way that makes you happy. So I'm pulling a Wile E. Coyote, going to step off the cliff and if I fail, at least I tried.

I guess anyone that knows me, knows I'm a resiliently persistent person. I see the silver lining in everything, even when the outcome looks glum. I guess having to overcome a pretty big health problem a few years back, it's easy to see that nothing is impossible if you try hard enough, and you believe. You can't get far in life if you don't believe in yourself, because until you do, no one else will.

Leaving "Me" behind -

Someone I greatly admire and respect told me to leave all the negativity behind upon my pending move. And I'm going to take her advice wholeheartedly. Much like everyone, I too can be an ass (actual photo to the left, I remember that grass fondly).

I have negative views about things at times, and sometimes it does get in the way of living my life. So I've tried to bury that and remove that part of me. It's not productive, matter of fact, it can be very counter productive. She was right, truthfully speaking, it made me look at myself. By no means do I believe I'm perfect, but I do agree with her assessment. I suppose if I am making this bold move in my life at this point, I need to be receptive to change, and that doesn't just mean the scenery. Change comes from within and I don't want to project something I'm not, so since I received that advice back in May, I've changed my perspective and approach. It's not easy hearing bad things about yourself, but we all have to be receptive to criticism and know that the other person is coming to you because they care.

Ten Goals -

I have pretty specific goals. I want to focus and create a better life for my son, that's pretty much the only goal, and by doing that, I have to be happy with my path in life. So, my goals are as follows:

1. Continue to be the best dad I can be.
2. Regardless, I will devote 3-4 hours per day to writing.
3. I'm not moving to LA for "fun." I have this inner need to work hard and get into the TV writing world.
4. Rewriting my first movie I tried to make on my own, and reshooting it.
5. Rewriting my tv pilot from last year, and writing 2 new ones, and shooting all 3 starting in January.
6. Finishing the tons of scripts I have started and never finished (currently...6)
7. Finishing my Fiction book, and my Non-Fiction book.
8. Getting into either WB, Disney, or NBC's Diversity TV writing program. 1 would be excellent. I'd be happy for the opportunity
9. Living life, and sprinkling in fun with old friends (doors always open for an LA visit ya'll) and new friends.
10. Come up with a 10th goal.

Lately - 

I've had second thoughts. You know how doubt creeps into your mind when you overthink things sometimes. Well I've been there. And thankfully I feel I am doing the right thing. So I guess this is it. 

So I'll insert a few cliches here:

• No guts no glory
• You can't win if you don't play
• You can't score if you don't shoot
• Go Big or Go Home
• Quit actin' like a baby

I'll miss my AZ friends a lot, but you all know where you can find me. Most likely tethered to my desk, in Burbank. I seriously am going at this as hard as possible. Always welcome to hit me up if you want to crash for a night or two (payment to include laughter, and possibly a meal of sorts.)

Thanks for reading, take care, God Bless.

Unwritten

Hello All,

So far and few in between blogging. Been busy lately. Work, looking for a place to live, writing, being a dad...it can be exhausting, but i wouldn't trade places with anyone.  Today's blog title is by one of my favorite artists, Natasha Bedingfield.

So today's blog is a little out of my norm. I was asked the other day:

Random Friend: "Why do you write?"

And without thinking, I was able to totally come up with reasons as to why I write. So with that, I'll explain why I write, and how I choose topics, and my overall process.

Why do I write?

"Honestly, I don't know." That was my answer.

But after a few seconds, I was able to recompose myself and give my answer:

Have you ever had an idea that you just couldn't shake, and it totally invades your dreams, your life, and every encompassing thought? That's how a story, a movie script, a TV script, or a short story is born. At least for me. I find myself thinking about it all the time and before long I have an outline and then I'm fully immersed in it. Then after buckets of deleted material (see right), yelling, random dance parties, a few naps, and sometimes tears of frustration...I have a story that needs to be rewritten, edited, critqued. I can't stop writing until a story or script is complete.

I get ideas from everything. My mind is constantly moving. Seriously. The truth is, I can't turn my mind off. Like ever. Some nights I literally have to pray to God to stop my brain from thinking so I can sleep. Some would call that "schizophrenia" but those voices don't argue with each other....not out loud at least.

My Writing Process:

I find myself writing notes (the picture to the left is actually a picture of my desk), and before then, those notes start to form a story or a quote, or a paragraph and anyone that tries to read them would say "what is this gibberish," but it makes sense to me.

Oddly enough, depending on what I am writing, I have two different processes. TV Scripts and Movie scripts get written in notebooks and then typed (which coincidentally is also part of the rewrite process), then I  send it out to my screenwriting partner, and we laugh and cut stuff out like crazy people. A few more rewrites later we have a polished script ready for the small stable of actors I am fortunate enough to trust me, read and react to it...and then we decide to shoot it.

Book writing I find, I have to glue my hands to a computer from the start. I sketch out an outline (the picture to the right is the outline of my recently completed novel)  from chapter to chapter and of course, it totally changes based on the way the words flow out of my brain. Then the same as before, I have people I trust read it, and rewrite it until I am happy with it completely.


(Sidenote: I fully am aware that I have a sticky note obsession)

So what am I working on:

A lot. Seriously. Writing is like a second job when you are not an established writer. Currently I am working on finishing my TV pilot, 5 short films, a few spec tv scripts for studio consideration for internships, and two manuscripts...one fiction and one non-fiction.

In short, a little advice:

I always say the same thing: if you want something...go for it. Life is short.  If you have an idea for a book, a tv show, a movie, a short, a sketch...what's stopping YOU from writing it. The best writers in the world write, they continue to do so even when things are at their worst, even when you feel as if you are standing on the corner of "writers block." You can achieve anything you put your mind to. I'm a firm believer in that, and will continue to do so until I take my last breath. Just keeping typing and before you know it..."THE END" will be in sight.

One word at a time, one day at a time....writer's unite!


To all my fellow writers out there, WORD.

Just the Two of Us

Hello All,

For a while, I've wanted to write a blog solely dedicated to my favorite person in the world. The one, the only...Jordan. Today's blog title is brought to you by Will Smith, Just the Two of Us.

This is Jordan's ringtone for when he calls me, and sometimes we will dork out and sing this to each other. Maybe him and I should make a music video to this. That would be cool. Simply put, couldn't ask for a better kid.

So with that, here is today's blog.

Ten Things I love about Jordan

1. The way he randomly just pops out of nowhere to hug me or drop random kisses on me.
2. His "negotiation" skills. i.e. "How about this, how about instead of buying a game, we trade in games that way we don't have to spend money?" (Happens all the time.)
3. His willingness to seek knowledge on his own (reading books, magazines, kid friendly websites)
4. Random. Questions. (i.e. Monday Morning upon seeing a commercial for Seasonique: What's a period?)
5. The way he comes up and lays next to me, and quietly asks "can I put my feet on you." Which leads to random kicking throughout the night, and me having a sore body the next day.
6. His laugh. Hilarious. Once he starts going, it literally makes me laugh.
7. The way he helps out around the house without me having to ask.
8. Every song I like, he automatically likes, and gets mad if I don't want to hear it at that moment.
9. He taught me how to Dougie. Yes. He did. Kids got more style than his old man.
10. Um...He LOVES Parks and Recreation, Family Guy, The Simpsons, and tons of other shows and movies that I love.

I could literally list about 7 billion reasons why I am fortunate to have the kid that I do. He's funny as hell, a good kid, smart, and handsome. I could go on and on and on and on about him. He's special to me, there's no doubt about that. I miss him when he's not with me, but I talk to him daily.

Yes sometimes it appears to be unfortunate that he has to split times between two households, but that hasn't affected him one bit. Him and I have a relationship that is unbreakable. We do things on the days that I have him every week. Either movies, Dave and Busters, hiking, walk at Tempe Town Lake, playgrounds, playing baseball or football, going to sports games, and traveling.

He is like me in so many ways. He hates to lose and is very competitive. He can beat me at video games, likes the same types of food. Movies. Sports teams. Trash talk. Making fun of people. So many things. Like a mini clone of me.

Sidenote: He named 99% of the characters in the book I wrote, and he suggested which superpowers the kids and villain should have. 

He asks can he do things travel wise, such as he asked to go to LegoLand for his birthday last year (his 7th), this year for his birthday (8th) he asked to go on a Disney Cruise (we're going October 8th-15th) and next year (9th), he wants to go to China. Yes. China. Why? He wants to go learn Kung-Fu from Mr. Han. Yes, the Karate Kid (2010 version).

These are just some of the many things he does. He's a sweet kid. One who I can't imagine living without. He tells me all the time he would like a little sister, and I swear if I could find the right person to procreate with, I'd do it, especially if I was assured that she (or possibly he) turned out to be as wonderful as Jordan has turned out to be.

Either way, I am fortunate and blessed. He is one of a kind, and I cherish all of the moments that we share together. My time is up, gotta go and sneak attack him. 

Uncharted

Hello All,

Been a LONG while since I blogged, and really have been so busy that this blog is way overdue. Between the book, and work, and day to day stuff, just haven't had much time to write one. Today's blog title is brought to you by Sara Bareilles. Wonderful Singer. Probably one of my favorite artists at the moment. This song totally sums up how I feel at this particular stage of my life. 

Marcus 3.1.4

So with that, here goes today's blog.

 

A Fork in the Road - 

OK, it's more like a huge crater, spiraling deep into Earth, creating an abyss like no other. (Me freefalling with no parachute)

Every morning that I am blessed to wake up...I literally despise my job. Yes it is a comfy place that affords me the right to work, and a paycheck, and the flexibility that comes with it, but the work itself is something I can not see myself doing until the day I retire.

My brain hurts just thinking about my job.

Besides spending time with Jordan, the only other time I am truly happy is when I am writing or shooting a short, or anything that requires me to be "artistic." Writing to me is calming, it soothes me, it makes me happy, it's something I want to do with my life until the end.

So why do I feel as if there is a gigantic fork in the road? Why do I feel like I've reached a pre-mid life crisis? I'm really not sure. But there is a certain pressure that has been building in my brain (Jordan asked me, "Is it a tumor" and I replied in my Arnold voice "ITS NOT A TUHHHHMA") and I need to release it, like a steam engine blowing smoke out of it's smokestack as it rolls down the train tracks.

Before I ever do anything, I like to really take my time and think about things, because what I do impacts not only me, but the wonderful child I have as well. A far cry from when I left Fairbanks in 1998 and on a whim Brandon and I decided that Phoenix was the place we should go.

So on the right side of the fork, there is Phoenix, Arizona. Beautiful Arizona which I've known for roughly thirteen years. There has been some good here. Lot of good. I basically have grown up here. It's like a second home. Jordan was born here. Arizona is really the longest place I've ever lived in my life (13 years, Alaska 8). But to me, this place has a lot of bad, and I am constantly reminded of it on a daily basis. I've lived in Mesa, Tempe, Gilbert, Phoenix, and at times Scottsdale.

Overall Phoenix Grade for me up until this point: C-
     

On the left side of the fork, there is now Los Angeles, California. Wonderful Southern California. I spent a few years there in my youth as 80% of my relatives live there, and then again during my college years. It's a place that I love, mainly because the beach to me is the greatest inspiration in the world and it is very very calming to me. And the beach is free to visit (Minus the parking).


Overall California Grade for me up until this point: B (a solid B)

What I've always wanted to do, besides being a movie director, is to be a TV writer. I love the variety that TV shows bring, the characters, the directions you can take a show. Probably why I watch so many. I write spec scripts, and one day, I will be a "staff writer" on the way to being a "show runner."

So with that, I think it's time for a change, and part of it has been fueled by the fact that I've been presented with an opportunity to help others by being studied for the disease that once inhabited my body, starting in August. So that is part of the change. But the other part, is because I just flat out need one.

A Major Change. I feel that every year since 2007 I've said the same thing over and over.

"Next year I'll do it."

Next year isn't promised to anyone. A quote on Thursday morning reminded me of that:

"You may delay, but time will not." - Benjamin Franklin


Let's recap what has happened since 2008.

1. Summer 2008 - Going to leave, got diagnosed with cancer. Long summer of losing weight, and puking my guts up, oh and chemo, six long months of chemo.
2. Winter 2009 - Brother shot and killed as a innocent bystander. I drive by the location on my way to work. Every. Single. Day. A constant reminder, and emotionally, it's crippling.
3. Summer 2009 - Was going to leave, but fell in love to the woman I thought I was going to marry. 
4. Summer 2010 - Was still in love, but that didn't work out.
5. Summer 2011 - Well, there are no excuses this year.

It's very hard to make a decision with anything. I mean, I have to consult the magic 8 ball in the morning before I get dressed. In my heart, I need a change. I need something to make me feel alive, to challenge me, to give me hope that life is not supposed to be something you wake up to daily and dread the tasks ahead. I guess that's the Aquarius in me, always striving to be better, to do better, to live better. I feel I owe a lot more to Jordan than mediocrity. Everything I do, I do for him.

At the end of my life, whenever God chooses that to be, I want to be able to say that I was the best for my child that I could be and I gave him every advantage to succeed in life by being the best parent I could.

So in short, WE are leaving Arizona. For reals

July 29th, I will be loading the U-Haul, and heading west. I've done a lot here, accomplished a lot, made a ton of life long friends that I will cherish forever, while fostering my beloved relationships with my amazing High School friends. But a big part of me has always felt that California is where I need to be. I feel that what I need to accomplish is there. A small wave in a big pond. But I believe that even the smallest wave can grow and become a huge one. So overall what I'm trying to say is that I feel it's time to move on. To try new things, explore new places, and take my chances at something new and different. To pee into the wind, to try the things I want to try...because at the end of the day, we aren't promised tomorrow. 

You're only as ordinary as you choose to be. You can be regular old ordinary, or you can be EXTRA-ordinary. I'm choosing to strive for a little bit extra.

No More Mr. Nice Guy (Reprint from June 2008)

Writers Note: Back in 2008 after a string of failed relationships and subsequently being put into the infamous "Friend Zone," I decided to unleash my frustration on the world one letter at a time...

Things have changed since then, but by popular demand I have been asked to move this from Myspace to here. So with that...here goes.

The rights to the following blog...have been acquired by ESPN Classic...as it has already been deemed an Instant Classic.

Today's blog is not a blog, it's a full fledged rant and it..will not have the normal elements, intro...Pete Thought, Bridget Moment, Julie Happy Thought, Links..nothing. This will not be a pleasant rant. There is a strong use of profanity in this rant...a ton. So, if this offends you ~STOP~ here and hit your back button. I have some things I need to say and I will NOT apologize at all. I learned a lot in the last two weeks with all I have been going through and that is...life is short. I will speak my mind and if that upsets you...well...I don't know what to say.

~W~A~R~N~I~N~G~

The following blog is brought to you by the letters

~~and~~

So before I was married and subsequently divorced, I thought dating was fairly simple...you meet a girl...date, date some more, relationship, sex, blah blah blah and then you move forward in the relationship. Apparently...times have changed and I have yet to catch up to those changing times. What am I talking about? Um...apparently I have been deemed "Too Nice" to date. As in, Marcus, you are such a nice guy, I just can't date you. Too Nice!" Is there such a thing. Apparently yes. That is the NUMBER One reason that I hear from women that they cannot date me.

As of this moment...Mr Nice Guy is dead. I killed him last night buried him in a chest in my closet, and that guy is not coming back. That is no joke. Does this make me sound like a jerk, dick, ass, whatever...probably. Do I care....at this moment as I type this...NOPE.

So they can't date me, but they want to be friends with me. The old requisite "let's just be friends" line. Look if I wanted to be your friend, I would not have EVER taken you out on a date. As far as I know people still do that right? As such since the friends thing is no longer my thing, this morning I have deleted more than 15 so called "Friends" from this site and deleted them out of my phonebook. That is one less headache I have to deal with.

So backstory. I am the captain of the SS Friendship. The prime investor in the friendzone. As of today...June 18th 2008, that is no longer the case. I am taking the SS Friendship out to sea, planting Dynamite and other explosives. I am pulling up the anchor, setting sail and going to the middle of the ocean dropping the anchor willingly. I am allowing pirates to board the ship and TAKE whatever the hell they want. I will be the tiny speckle off in the distance rowing back to shore. In the friendzone...I am putting up the for sale sign and moving out of the friendzone as I don't like the real estate market there.

Now the problem with all of this is, once I am in the friendzone or aboard the friendship, that gives the "girl" the red light to dump all of her "guy problems" on me. And you know what I am sick of it. You can't date me, but you can dump your other guy problems on me? As one girl once told me, you are like my gay friend, only you don't sleep with other men. (needless to say she is no longer my friend, Insert Sentence Enhancer starting with a "B").

I am not sure what it is....I am too nice. HA! I hear things from my so called "girl-friends" about the douchebags that they date...and how bad these guys treat them, how they talk bad to them, get them pregnant and run, mentally abuse them...but apparently they like that. And then they call me and I listen to it...and now I am thinking....you get what you deserve. If you don't like it...change the channel.

Some of my guy friends firmly believe the phrase

"treat a girl like shit and she will love you for it."

I never before believed that. Not once...now, I totally am starting to. I listen to some of the stories my girl-friends tell me, and now the more I listen and analyze, it's true. No one wants the nice guy! There is a revolution going on, and the nice guy is losing. You ask, where have all the good/nice guys gone? The good/nice guy is in the hideout and he ain't coming out.

Do I sound bitter. You damn right I am. 5 times in the last year have I heard that bull shit line. Who SAYS that? Maybe it's this place...Arizona. There are more than enough women here (a 3/2 ratio of girls to guys), it's like shooting into a barrel. Only when i do shoot into the barrel I somehow get the ones at the bottom of the barrel who were shot weeks ago.

Another thing...I never want to hear the following from any woman that I meet...as I will call you a liar ..."I want the Notebook type love." I will puke on your overly expensive shoes that you feel the need to point out in the first place. First off

It ~ Does ~ Not ~ Exist

Period. Not in this day and age. There is a REASON this movie is framed in the 1940's. Times were simpler, people were simpler, and they knew what they wanted. Do not quote this movie to me again...ever. Matter of fact, my copy of this movie...is somehow going to make it's way down the toilet the MINUTE I get home today. That is not a joke.

Dave Chappelle Said it best

"Chivalry is dead....and women killed it"

I tried to bring it back...I really did. Sexy made a comeback, but Chivalry has not. I can only be me, I tried to be who I am, but apparently that is not good enough. So again..Mr Nice guy...is dead. I think Alice Cooper also said it best:

I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing
'Til they got a hold of me.
I opened doors for little old ladies,
I helped the blind to see.
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers.
They can't be seen with me and I'm gettin' real shot down
And I'm feeling mean.

No more Mister Nice Guy,
No more Mister Clean,
No more Mister Nice Guy

I would apologize for this rant...but why. Why should I apologize for this. I am tired of being a fucking doormat in relationships or with people. Where has it gotten me? Right back to square one. Yes I am pissed, I am more pissed off at this moment than I have ever been with dating. Maybe it's the women here. Maybe their brains have been fried from all of the sun exposure (I wish I could take credit for that line, but that goes to one of my great friends, she knows who she is).

But as I described to my good friend yesterday through email....relationships are like a mirage. Imagine yourself crawling through the desert and you are so thirsty...you see what appears to be an oasis...you start drinking from the water..only after a couple of mouthfuls do you realize that you have a mouthful of sand. Just...like...relationships....here in this crappy ass state of Arizona.

This is the edge. I am on it. Will I lose friends after this rant? Probably, but i don't care. That means you weren't my friend in the first place. I am fortunate to have some genuine friends in my life and they will respect me regardless of what I say. I will no longer be a doormat to ANYONE. I will not allow you to wipe your feet on me and then continue on your merry fucking way, let me lay down on a puddle while you continue on. I have feelings to.

Finally, maybe I am just too mature for the women i date. Maybe. For sure I am not like the guy from Swingers, when he met the girl he called her 15 times that first night until she answered. I wish it wasn't all so complicated, and i wish that Mr. Nice guy wasn't dead...but he is gone and he isn't coming back for the foreseeable future. Believe me, I contemplated long and hard before posting this, and this is the second time I have wrote this, so thought has gone into it.

I am leaving tomorrow and maybe a change of scenery is good. This really put me in a pissed off mood and made me think twice about relationships and dating and for the near future, I guess I won't be dating and that is the best thing. My ear is officially closed to being a listening device to other's problems.My only words of advice will be "Either work it out...or leave." My world is closed for accepting new girl-friends, I am more than happy to keep the ones I have and foster those relationships. Cynical lives here now. Sorry...yesterday opened my eyes to a whole new world.

Maybe it's time to leave the crappy state of Arizona for a place where the brains haven't been fried. I have hit the proverbial fork in the road....relationship wise. Leave comments if you'd like. Have a wonderful week.

2011 Note:

I still laugh when I read this. Lethal. some of the comments on Myspace were hilarious.