Merry Happy

Hey All,

Hopefully you all are doing great…that life is treating you good. Today’s blog title is brought to you by Kate Nash. The blog format…has changed a bit, so here goes…

Ten Things floating around my brain…

1. January was pretty damn fun. So many events and places and people packed into this month….and this is just the beginning of the year!
2. I am not nuts…regardless of how many people think so
3. I love playing on our flag football team, we got the win last night…pretty excited about this season.
4. Although I’ve said it a few times, looking forward to turning 30 in about two weeks.
5. I nailed my Super Bowl picks this year…both of them. I picked the Saints vs Colts way back in week 1. I am patting myself on the back right now.
6. I am writing a new book, and putting my scripts and stuff aside for a few weeks. I feel I need to write this book, although it is hard. (that’s what she said)
7. I think it’s a waste of time to check my mail, as I rarely get any. Two weeks since I last checked it….3 envelopes in there.
8. My job is so boring….like extremely boring…I can’t do this for the rest of my life.
9. Trying to eat extremely healthy. Fruit, vegetables, salads…everything. Since December 1st I’ve lost like 28 pounds, which is good for me.
10. This is shaping up to be a spectacular year.

The answer to your questions is yes. Yes I did what I said I was going to do. Yes I was nervous as hell. It was an interesting conversation to say the least. It was enough to actually want me to write a book about the whole ordeal. I spent about two and a half hours there. The first bit of time was the hardest because I had to fight off all emotions especially anger. I literally sat there for a good 5 minutes before I said one word.

It was a tough conversation to get thru. I alternated between anger, frustration, and back to anger, death stares, urges to rip the glass off and beat him senseless...calmness...and then the cycle started over, and that was the first 15 minutes. Over the course of those 2.5 hours, I learned a lot about myself, what I can stand, who the guy was, how the events of that day unfolded and many other things. I do know that the course of one bullet can change many lives. So as I told him, the decisions you made that day had a ripple effect for many people…it may have only seemed like one life was changed forever, but so many more were changed. He will never truly know what he did or the devastation that it caused, but he will have a lot of time to think about it.

Although I wasn’t looking for it, and I admit I didn’t know how to respond to it….he apologized. At first multiple 3 word sentences came through my head including:

F—k off B-tch.
Kiss my ass
I hate you
Go to hell
Piece of Sh-t

Some of those sentences combined to make multiple mega sentences. But as I sat there…I remembered why I went in the first place. Why I took a day off…everything. It was silent for a moment, kind of like when I first arrived. I didn’t know what to say. Finally I mustered up the courage to say what I went to say…and “I Forgive you” slipped out.

My mind has been racing with that conversation every since that moment. I replay it in my head over and over and I swear if I didn’t know how to write, I would go nuts. It’s a lot of information to process. I need to release it from my brain and have been doing so daily by at least writing a chapter a day (so far 4 chapters in, and I haven’t even gotten to the conversation).

Either way, it was something that needed to happen. Many have expressed that they couldn’t have done it…believe me, I was terrified and called Vanesa prior to going in to have the conversation. I was nervous about it, but I feel better now, sort of at peace.

Thanks for all of the inquiries, the kind thoughts, the comments, the e-mails. I haven’t really had time to respond, but I will. So again…I thank you all.

So….What else is going on? I am happy. Jordan is doing great in school. Vanesa and I are as happy as I could hope that a couple could be. Jordan and Lil C are getting along, which is great. Lil C is sick right now, but I hope he feels better soon…we have Mario worlds to conquer. My parents seem to be good, although my mother burned her kitchen up the other day in their new home. Work sucks, but then again that isn’t anything new. Otherwise…I have no complaints…as in 0. Looking forward to turning 30, looking forward to Valentine’s day and I am looking forward to getting my passport this next week as we are planning a trip for June.

TV Show of the week is one of my newest Favorites. It’s called the Human Target and it airs on Tuesday’s on Fox. Trust me, it’s a g-rrrrrr-eat show.

Movie of the Week is 500 days of Summer. I loved every minute of this movie from beginning to end. It’s an enjoyable watch.

Song of the week, let’s just go with That’s how strong my love is…off the New Alicia Keys Album. Vanesa plays that album all of the time and I have to admit…it’s kinda catchy.

Name of the week…is Milleonaire. Some people have some exotic names….can you imagine if this girl went to collections? They’d be like, “your name doesn’t match your bank account.” At least I would say that.

The coming days include
Tuesday – Taking Jordan to either See Avatar 3-D or the Tooth Fairy. He has a choice. Wednesday – Work
Thursday – More Work
Friday – More and more work and a few drinks to forget the workweekSaturday/Sunday – Not sure, but I am sure it will be fun, just like pretty much every day in January.
Monday – Pretend to work at home. Flag Football game
Tuesday – In the office, pretending to work. Greeeeat. Wednesday – Posting the final blog in my twenties. Tentatively Entitled: Raindrops keep falling on my Head… a full recap of my twenties as I head toward the weekend of my 30th birthday party.

The end of the blog is somewhere in this paragraph. I hope that each of you are doing great, and that life is treating you well. Have a great week and weekend! Thanks for reading, keep smiling and God Bless.

Walk this Way

Dear Mario,

What’s up Bro? Figured I would take the time to write you and tell you some things that I’ve wanted to say and fill you in on some things from the last year. It’s been a hell of a year….So I hope God gives you a second to hear me out, I know you are busy doing tons of awesome tasks for him, but take a second because it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to you.

So I still can’t believe you are gone. It’s taken me a long time to really realize that and I always expect you to call and ask for a few dollars, or tell me something weird, or listen to a new story idea of mine…but it hasn’t happened. I can’t bring myself to erasing your number out of my phone. And they’ve already recycled the number through the system…I know because I’ve called.

I have a hard time driving by Dunlap, and it sucks because I drive by that area nearly everyday on the way to or from work. Sucks. Ass. Plain and simple.

Since the last time we saw each other, I don’t look sickly like I did then, I did gain about 50 pounds back, so you can’t make “Skeletor, or Jack Skellington” jokes anymore. Jerk. I try to talk to Silas once a week. Note: That kid is BAD….but he is sweet and he asked me about you the other day. I didn’t know what to say really. He’s still so young and although I think he understands…he doesn’t…you know?

I have learned to forgive. I know that is something that is my biggest flaw, but I have learned. That “guy” (and by guy, you know I mean f-cktard) who ended your life…as hard as it is to say…I forgive him. I’ve made an appointment to actually visit the douche tomorrow to tell him as much. I know forgiveness is something God wants us to have, but this is very hard to do, but I feel I must do it. It will be hard to see him without wanting to rip his vocal cords out, but thankfully they will have glass separating us. Either way….I forgive him.

Antoiwon is fine. Bridgette and your other two kids…I really don’t know how they are. I mean she doesn’t respond to our overtures for communication. Lots of words come to mind about Bridgette, but I will leave those in my brain. Michael and Astra got married…to each other. I know…pause for dramatic effect. They got married in July in Vegas.

Lions still suck man. They did win 2 more games than they won in 2008 (which isn’t saying much because remember they went 0’fer).

So I wrote something for you…or should I say about you. I’ve tried to keep it a secret, but I think you may know. It’s a story about adventure called Loons’ Adventures. It is a tribute to you, and I think it’s pretty funny. Still working on getting a sale….if you have time, see if you can help me out with that. Joking of course.

Jordan is in 1st grade and he’s doing good, he asks about you nearly everytime the word FISH is mentioned. Although, he doesn’t like fishsticks, he learned the hard way.

I met a great woman named Vanesa. You would have liked her.

Let’s see…Mom and Dad are good. I am not sure they really talk about you much, not when I am around. But mom always tries and sometimes it’s a bit depressing. That’s how she deals with it I suppose. They bought a second home here in Maricopa, and it’s not the easiest drive.

So what else…I don’t know. I miss you man. I haven’t been the same since about a year ago. I see life a little bit differently. I don’t take things for granted like I used to. Every little thing matters. I don’t pass up opportunities to do things and I have done a lot in the last year. I figure life is too short now. I remember being kids and we talked about death and sorts…and we made plans for things in case I went before you. That was the plan remember? We never made plans for you leaving before me. I wasn’t prepared. I mean that’s the way it was supposed to work right? I was born first, I leave first. But I learned we don’t get to choose those things. All I can do now is deal with this and try to be a better person. I wish it was different, I really do. There are so many things you really hadn’t done yet or seen.

As I stated at your service…I hope you are taking some time to relax up there, I know you worked hard in your lifetime and really didn’t enjoy it, so now, I hope you got a year long vacation up there. And if you aren’t resting…know that I am doing more than your fair share of it.

I am turning 30 this year, you would have been 29 this year. I believe we are going to Denali during the summer to fulfill your final wish. And the Mario Memorial Fishing Trip…it’s on.

This sucks because there are so many things I want to say, but at this moment…my brain is drawing a blank. I will stop by and talk to you every once in a while, see how you are, let you know how things are on this end. Know that I love you, and that I believed you to be the best brother that I could hope for. Michael and I get along much better now, I know it was something you wanted us to do while you were here, but we didn’t.

Well…I think that is about it. I miss you bro, I really do. I find myself sometimes thinking about the funny things we used to do, or the seemingly retarded fights we used to have, and I laugh. Those are the things I miss. You take care of yourself and if you have time, look in on me and make sure I am doing the right thing.

I am going to drop some flowers off for you tomorrow and go and see that “guy” because he needs to know that forgiveness is his, and maybe watch a movie or two that we liked. I love you man, I hope that you are happy now. I miss you forever. Thanks for always listening to me. You will always Be "Super" to me.

Marcus

P.S. You would have LOVED the new Super Mario Wii....just saying.