Today’s blog title is brought to you by Vega4. (If you haven't heard the song, it's a very very good one.) Know that I went through like 5 blog titles before I settled on this one and each one nearly brought me to tears...stupid tear ducts... It’s just that it’s hard to really settle on a title for this event...when I really didn’t think it would or possibly could happen. There’s a lyric in there that reminds me of you
"Stand where you are
We let all these moments pass us by" (then a sweet ass guitar riff)
Love you brother.
Hey little brother,
So the other day, I was cleaning up Jordan’s room and I picked up a Ninja Turtle and from the moment I picked it up, it was like a freaking sweet ass flashback, I immediately thought of what I’ve come to know it as over the years….“The Great Battle of 1989.” History books will one day speak of this was where hundreds of innocent Ninja Turtles were slaughtered at the hands of General Marcus and his fast fleet of G.I. Joe’s. It marked the first time in recorded history where Cobra and G.I. Joe became one. But, you being the stubborn person that you are and forever shall be, wouldn’t take defeat graciously and we soon were rolling around on the ground fighting and crushing our toys all at once.
Sadly, it’s that time of the year again where I think of all the things I miss about you. It’s been a particularly tough week. In my year of “365 days of Happiness,” I’ve been a little emotional this week…and rightfully so. It’s just one of those things that I will have to deal with from here until forever. Jordan asked about you a few weeks ago. He said he remembered the time you took him fishing and when he caught a fish, you tried to make him take it off the hook and he was like “Yeah…that’s not going to happen BUT I will help you cut it open.” Jordan often talks about you and remembers you fondly.
So not much has changed in the last year. Jordan is a year older, he’s in 2nd grade, but he’s really hit his stride humor wise, might be the proudest moment of my life…seriously . Not sure I’ve ever laughed at somebody as much as I laugh at him. I really lucked out when it comes to the kid department. His grades are good; but the one thing I need to work on with him is his messiness. AND Maybe throw him off the trail of asking me for a little brother or sister. But of course…he tells me I need a girlfriend/wife for that. The nerve of THAT kid. He is a gem though. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Although him and I have worked out a scenario "If someone was to offer me a billion dollars for him, I should take it, and then kidnap him back." Perfect scenario. See...he is just like me. He thinks it's a funny and great plan. But will also only do it IF I make him an Iron Man suit afterwards....love that kid to death.
Um…Silas is good as far as I know. I haven’t talked to him in a few months, but I did talk to him on birthday number 4. He’s a TRIP. Mom and Dad…well they are themselves. Michael is good. Astra and the kids are good as well. Oh yeah, they did have a new addition to the family…baby #4, Michael Jr Jr. Yes I tried to explain to Michael that his baby is “The Third” and that Jr. Jr. makes him sound like a ghetto person. But…that’s Michael.
As you know, Last year I went to visit the guy who shot you and subsequently took your life. The “Christian” in me wanted to forgive him, of which I did. I am at peace with everything, but it’s hard. He sent me a letter a few weeks ago, and I have yet to open it. It sits on my desk unopened. I can’t bring myself to open it. Maybe in a few days I’ll get to it….doubt it, but I’ll try.
Me, myself….hmmmm…Well again, not much is changed. Last year I had THE best 30th birthday party ever. I know you would’ve showed up. It will have to live in my memories and in the pictures. But now…I’m back to the boring life, which for me is more of just sitting at home. Which to me is actually fine, I am focused on other things. It is easy to stay out of trouble that way. I have become a bit of a loner. I don’t go out, I don’t really socialize with many people, and don’t really do much overall. I don’t sleep much at all, some nights if any. Work…sucks. I swear I can’t do this 9-5 stuff the rest of my life. I don’t think that I was meant for this type of work. I am working on an escape plan now. I am really just focused on both Jordan and my future. I got an agent, which is pretty cool. I have all sorts of deadlines and stuff. Hopefully some of those pay off. I am writing a fiction book, which is right up our alley. Just think of all the comic books we read as a kid…. They love the idea of it, and want me to finish that before I move back to screenplays and stuff.
Sorry for venting I guess. It’s just that I miss you and all, and my heart is literally broken and probably will never be fully repaired, and just know that I think of you often. I suppose I should talk to someone about all of this, but ah well. I'll internalize it. I know I know, you hate when I do that. BUT that's an Aquarian trait. I swear not a week goes by someone doesn’t ask me about you or find out for the first time. I feel lost at times, because I can’t pick up the phone and call you, hell I have yet to delete your number from my phone and it's been two years now. I figure a once a year update is good. I hope you don’t mind. I pray for you and hope that all is well and that you get a couple of vacation days. I miss you, and I love you forever. No one will ever replace you or make me forget about you. You’re the best brother a guy could ever hope for. And I’m pretty sure I never got to tell you that, but I do believe that you are…by far. I love you…I miss you. And you’re always with me regardless of what I’m doing.
Forever missing you,
Marcus
P.S. For all of you...don't forget...don't hold a grudge against anyone. You never know when your time may come. Love and live life on your terms. We only get it once...
P.P.S. I'll post an actual blog soon...
