Back of Da Club

Hello All,

I hope that each of you had a wonderful weekend…although I for one that it went WAY too fast (TWSS). So week is 20% over and I hope that it goes by very quickly so we can hurry up and get to the weekend. Hope the Father’s out there had a great Father’s Day! Today’s blog title is brought to you by Mashonda. I only post this because…well The Club is a beast of a place…and humorous. So with that, I will jump into the blog.

Erika’s 10 Things I Think I Think, O.k. 12 today… – The NightCLUB Version – I am a people watcher and this is what I saw over the course of one night at two clubs (Oscar Taylor’s and PHX…which PHX Sucked). This is why clubs and me…we don’t get along all too well.

1. If you wear sunglasses to a NIGHT club guy or girl…you are a douche bag. Plain and simple. The sun will not be up when you leave the club, and it certainly wasn’t up when you arrived. You look dumb…I will make fun of you.
2. To the girl at the bar who sits there waiting for a guy to approach her and buy her a drink…you are half gold digger half idiot.
3. To the guy who buys the aforementioned girl that drink…you are stupid…especially as she drinks it…and then walks away. S-N-A-P-S.
4. To the group of super hot chicks* that comes into the club making a grand entrance (usually like 4 or 5…token ugly chick included) and then is virtually unapproachable because no one is infiltrating the group unless the token ugly chick is preoccupied…you suck. *Note this can also apply to "token ugly guy" as well.
5. To the creepy guy standing on the wall watching every one dance…especially in a club where hardly any one is at…well…I would say you suck…but that really doesn’t need to be mentioned. Extra negative points if you happen to be standing there touching yourself…you are a loser.
6. To the guy with the super tight jeans/pants (how DO you walk) and the girl with the halter top that we all wonder HOW you all fit into it (I really believe a form of oil is involved to squeeze into said clothing for the both of you)…please see a tailor immediately.
7. To the guy/girl that cannot handle their liquor and subsequently can NOT make it to the bathroom to relieve themselves of said liquid orally…you suck…EPIC…FAIL. You need to know when enough…is enough.
8. To the overeager/frisky bouncer who pretty much performed a “turn and cough” aka the “nut check,”…thanks for the violation…and next time try not to smile at me afterwards….I need to go and take another shower just thinking about it.
9. To the girls who think it’s funny to buy back to back shots of patron for you…well…in a way it’s cool even though we said we HATE tequila. Thanks…I do hate tequila…although it makes people (and by people…two in particular…you know who you are) do funny…HILARIOUS things. Also I still feel the burning sensation in my chest…two days later.
10. To the guy who feels the need to flash your gigantic wad of cash at the bar to show us (and by us I mean those ladies you are trying so hard to impress, the rest of us are thinking you are a tool) all that you have money….keep in mind we are in a recession…you may get robbed…and you are a gigantic douchebag of tardness. Plus we all know you emptied out your 154 dollars out of your bank account to have that “Wad” of cash anyway. Those one dollar bills aren’t fooling anyone.
11. To the Cougar that stands near the bar luring unsuspecting young men to your cougar nest….it’s kinda creepy. Do us a favor and tone down the seventeen layers of makeup, and stop looking so desperate. You are pretty…you don’t have to try that hard…
12. To “Likes to fight Guy.” Seriously you aren’t 12 anymore. No one cares that you think you are “Billy Badass.” I would like to make my way to the bathroom without having to hear you talk trash to another guy….and subsequently get knocked out before I exit the bathroom. In the honorable words of Smokey…”You got Knocked the “f-ck out!”

Rachael Real Moment – Mean people suck. Plain and simple. I am not a fan of being mean to people and I really hate it when it happens to me or my friends. Life is too short to always be upset or standoffish and take your anger and frustration out on others. You don’t want to be that person that dies and everybody says…”Well he/she was a mean son of a bitch…good riddance.” Besides what has anger ever gotten you? Punched in the face, a middle finger salute, made fun of? What! I just don’t get it. I know that life is short and that we should all strive to treat each other the way we want to be treated…but why do some people find it so hard to do that? I wish the world can be seen through the eyes of a child. They are so forgiving, so lovable, and not judgmental at all. Remember…what goes around often times comes back around….

Eugene Sports thought of the Day – This is how much I miss real sports, the ones with contact (Football, Basketball, Hockey) I found myself watching a game of Cricket on ESPN.Com the other day. Never watched it or knew what the sport was about…I just was that bored. Nearly 55 days until the NFL Pre-Season kicks off….

Also...respect Pope.

Pete Thought of The Day – This…is a creepy picture. I typed in Cricket in photobucket search and that’s what came up. Like 4 or 5 pictures came up. I mean…who does that? Such a weirdly odd photo that I figured I would share it with you all….

I am seriously creeped out by this damn thing....isn't it weird. Even the Photoshop is such a bad job that it really makes no sense. I would like to meet the person who did this picture...really I would...

Mindy Moment – Disney deadline is mid august…and I just found out that what I wrote for the application…not eligible. 62 pages of crap now because they changed their criteria..DAMNIT. So I have to push some things aside and bang out a new script so I can apply for the Disney Fellowship…again. I am drawing a blank as to what TV show I should write about…and maybe I will do an episode of 30 Rock. I have 61 days to complete a 21 page script then…which sucks because I am in the midst of writing a really funny screenplay.

Julie Happy Thought of the Day – Lazy days are the best days ever. Jordan had a huge lazy day last Friday where I picked him from Summer Camp and he slept from 5:45 pm…until 7:30 a.m. the next morning (And he didn’t even move for about 10 hours). For me…the last two weekends I have found myself laying in bed on Sunday mornings being absolutely lazy. Not getting up until 11 and laying there and having mindlessly entertaining conversation with my girlfriend….and of course laughing about the previous nights events. I guess I am just grateful that life is starting to slow down from the speed race that it has been over the last few years.

P.S. People falling…still funny as ever to me. I saw a kid yesterday literally fall over in front of me…and I nearly spit my sandwich out from the pure and utter hilarity of the situation…because he fell and he fell so awkwardly that both of his shoes fell off. I can’t lie…I laughed out loud.

Misty Movie Reviews –

Land of the Lost - I saw this movie…and I have to say…it wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be. Will Ferrell has his moments…but both Anna Friel and the newly funny/awesome Danny McBride steal the movie. The special effects are pretty cool and like I said Will Ferrell has his moments which some are really really funny…especially with the T-Rex. I loved the TV show and one of the things that kills me is that Hollywood is starting to take every TV show and make it into a movie. I give it 3 stars…it’s worth a DVD watch. Surprisingly though…not a kids movie…lots of adult language.

The Hangover – Seen it 4 times. Loved it 4 times. Laughed 4 times at every scene. 5 stars still.

Saw the trailer for the following movie and since I LOVED the book as a child…

Where the Wild things are - Man this takes me back to my childhood….gives me chills.

JJ song of the week – I have to admit…never really been that big a fan of Beyonce Music…but I am Sasha Fierce was a dope album.…lately though a lot of her songs have made it to the coveted IPOD spot.

Mainly I love this song because of my favorite Rap Artist Mr. Kanye West. Ego Remix by Beyonce ft Kanye West.

Mary Random Facts –
1. There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
2. There are 10 million people who share your birthday.
3. There are 300 distinct different types of honey.
4. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today.
5. 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
6. There are over 15,000 miles of lighted neon tubing in the many signs on the Strip and downtown Las Vegas
7. 12% of men never use their car blinkers…14% of women don’t either.
8. There are 403 steps from the foundation to the top of the torch in the Statue of Liberty.
9. There are 318,979,564,000 possible ways to play the first four moves per side in a game of chess
10. There are 170,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 ways to play the ten opening moves in a game of chess.
11. Chuck Norris Fact of the day - Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
12. Bonus Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris can speak Braille
13. Super Bonus Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris once won a game of connect four…in 3 moves.

Heather Joke of the Day – it’s just a few shirts that I saw…(Credit goes to Julie though, she sent them to me.)

Hulu Show of the Week– Is this show called “Locked up Abroad.” A National Geographic show that talks about U.S. Citizens that have been detained overseas (or kept against their will) for various reasons. A fascinating show. I have watched a few episodes and it has left me virtually speechless as the amazing things that happen to people…and how some survived…

Video Links – (Powered By Break.Com and Youtube.Com and today Hulu.Com)
Immigrant Tale (4:22)
Party Guys (1:35)
MVPuppets Talk About Movies (:17)
Leprechaun In Alabama (2:03) This is so stupid…it’s funny. The amateur SKETCH (at :47)is THE greatest thing…ever. It’s amazing how dumb people are….This thing makes me laugh out loud.
Flip to Basketball shot (1:22) A-M-A-Z-I-N-G
E-P-I-C Fail (:52) Damn…
Cancelled WoW account Rant (2:06) This is tard-tastic! World of Warcraft…I found myself laughing pretty hard at this…I think he tried to put a remote in his butt at one point….
Puppy Passed out (:28)
Popcorn in Slow motion (:37)

Jordan Quote of the week – “If anything…you aren’t Batman, you are Robin. You aren’t Superhero material…you are sidekick material.”

Damn. He told that to one of the kids he was playing with at Summer Camp as I was filling out some paperwork on Friday. I felt bad for that kid for a second…and then I was like….OWNED. Jordan OWNED another kid like I’ve never heard before. Damn. That’s all I can say…Damn. My kid has had some zingers over the last few weeks…he is on a roll…and he’s only 5. As he gets older…I fear what he may say out of pure and utter humor. My kid is becoming a verbal juggernaut...makes me prouder than hell...

Coming Attractions –

Today – Um…I am in the office. Fun stuff. I have been here since 4:30 it is now nearly 7 and I can say I haven’t done one thing of note. I am working until 12:30 and then out of here. At home working out, taking a nap, writing and hanging with my girl. We are all going to the 12:01 a.m. showing of Transformers.

Wednesday – At home working. Lots of it to do. Oh and Hulu-ing of course.

Thursday – In the office. Fun. O.k. Not really fun. Thursday is the day I want to go crazy because it seems nothing gets done. Working on a music video treatment.

Friday – In the office…I literally have no Friday night plans. Probably kicking back at the terror dome of dopeness…oh yes I am cleaning so the place is spotless for the Madden Tournament.

The end –of the blog is here. I hope that you all had a safe and awesome weekend. I hope this week goes by quickly and that you all have a smile on your wonderful faces. Thank you so much for reading…I love you…God bless you!