Paris day 1

So I landed in Paris, local time 1:40, Arizona time, 5:40am. I slept like 2 hours on the plane. Um hello, all you can watch movies!!!! So I watched:

Hansel & Gretal witch hunters - not as bad as everyone claims 

Live free and Die Hard - again, I saw it in the theater and loved it. I laughed so hard in a few parts. Glad they had complimentary earplugs. 

Wreck it Ralph - um video games plus John C Reilly. 

I've flown first class, but never international. 3 course meal at midnight. Plus wine (no joke I had like 2.5 bottles by myself) and movies. I wrote a bit. 

I got off the plane, now if you don't have euros when you get here, well you're like me. I won't do that again. Next time prepared. That line was stupid long. 

Got my first Chuck photo from an airport lady who was asking question about ads and stuff. Score. 

The train to see the Eiffel Tower was a pain. Took an hour, but then again I'm an idiot. Totally worth it. 

I stayed there for about 2.5 hours walking around soaking up the beauty that it is. I'm in awe. Seriously. I stopped and had this delicious treat:

So, question, white people. Why have you been holding out on the Nutella business. That crepe plus Nutella, holy Santa clause crap. Amazing. 

I've been asked if I'm a "futbol player" at least 20 times. I should've dressed like a bum. 

I don't speak French but I will say this, a smile and basic greetings will get you far. People are more willing to be nice to you if you try. Plus I keep squeezing their butts and saying OUI. I kid I kid.  

Finally I'm on the way to the Paris Austerlitz station to catch the overnight train from Paris to Nice to start Cannes. Disappointed that my cab driver doesn't drive like a maniac. He's normal. Ugh. 

This place is gorgeous. I am fairly certain I want to come back so I need to work harder this year and do this again. I'm going to take a year of French lessons and also another language. I would like to learn as many as possible. 

Next stop: Cannes  

Stuff and things on the way to Cannes

So I'm off to Cannes now. Sitting in my 2nd airport of the day (Houston) and before I delve further, I want to take a brief moment to thank everyone who helped me get to this point in my life, whether it was monetary (thank you all who donated to the cause out forth by Marianna) or verbal support, or a "get your ass in gear and do this," yeah...

(If you know me, you know I have a love affair with post-its).

Secondly I know it's been said to "enjoy it" but I'm viewing this as a business trip. FLP, Me, and Sandy. We are a business first. Geeks second. But I'm enjoying it. Some of my friends came by Houston international and took me to lunch. Best time ever. 

So I have written 8 movie pitches out. Yes one is The War, the other is The high school movie, and a few other ideas. I'm aiming to push these in the face of investors to draw interest for our films, hopefully monetarily. 

Just found out my mancrush, Ryan Gosling is at Cannes. Guess who is going to be my new Best friend? 

Also I have one more airport (the stupid Atlanta one) to go to before departing tonight. France is tomorrow. I have an overnight train from Paris to Nice so me and Chuck Norris will see the country and start our trek to Interpols most wanted. 

I kid. I kid. But seriously.  Hope you all are doing well! Thank you all for being my friends and stuff. Mostly the stuff. 

Fear.

Fear.

I have it. All of it. Can’t even lie about it. Not sure why, but it’s been there since the day I hit “Send” on “The Last Dance” to a few of my trusted friends, you know the ones that will tell you the truth no matter what. Normally when I write something, I immediately hate it. I push it to the side and let it stew in its misery for a week or so. But this? This was different. The whole experience so far has been different.

I don’t lie, so when I say I’m scared, I mean every syllable. This is coming from a guy who went through chemo twice and wasn’t the least bit scared. Not one ounce. That to me was survival.  Deep down I knew that I was going to pull through it.

Making a quality film is a childhood dream.  Like most kids say “I want to be an astronaut,” or “I want to be a policeman,” I knew I wanted to make movies. Sure, I’ve directed things with varying levels of success and all have been learning experiences.  As with everything in life, I knew you couldn’t just run in “GUNG HO” and expect everything to be great, but that didn’t stop me from trying. You have to plan, execute, and plan more. Which, if I’m continuing this path of honesty, that is why in the past I can admit I’ve failed.  My lack of planning and my lack of execution is the reason why.  When I sat back earlier and thought about it, that was it. Boom, nailed it. It’s not that the material wasn’t any good; it was because there was an obvious lack of planning and execution of those shoots, and that lies squarely on me.

But…I’ve learned from it all.  Because if you don’t learn from your past and your mistakes, then what are we working towards in life? I’ve failed because I know that I have not done the little things to become great.

Everything I’ve done in life has seemingly led me to this moment. Right here, right now. There is no question or doubt about that. Besides being a dad, being a filmmaker is THE only thing I truly enjoy doing. So yeah, I’m fearful. I’m scared. Terrified even. But I feel terrified in a good way. I am however, afraid that with all of my planning that I will someone not live up to what “Dream Marcus” nailed flawlessly. Yes in my dreams, that dude nailed it. But also, this is a tribute to someone who meant a lot to me and I owe it to her to do the best job I can possibly do.

As we all know a team is only as good as the person leading it. And this is the first time I’ve had a team that I’ve hired that truly relies on me to know it all. For the time and effort each of them are personally contributing, I do not want to let them down. I respect each of them tremendously and they deserve my full effort.

”It’s not even about the career. I have shpilkes now and I have a career. I think it’s my fuel, basically—my nervous stomach. That’s what keeps me honest, right? And a little bit humble, in the sense that when I make a movie, I never think I have all the answers.” - Steven Spielberg

 I have always had a love of Steven Spielberg, he is THE best. He is my guy. I admire him on so many levels. 

So if he gets nervous, I can be assured that it is indeed a good thing. But the key to all of that was that he never thinks he has all the answers. And neither do I. I was told on Wednesday that if you’re not nervous that’s when you should be worried. And I suppose on anything else I’ve ever worked on, I haven’t been.

One of my favorite quotes ever happened to come from 2006’s Rocky Balboa. “You know I think you try harder when you’re scared.” Which if you think about it makes total sense, and I guess that’s why I’m trying harder than I’ve ever tried before, because I’m scared.

When this whole experience of making “The Last Dance” is over, after we as a team of artists have been dragged to so many film festivals and are tired and worn down, I’ll look back fondly at this and I will be grateful for the fear. Because without it, I know I’d still be an unprepared mid 30’s guy who expects it to “be easy.”

So yeah, I’m scared as hell, even though I don’t show it. But I know at the end of the day even though this is “The Last Dance,” for us as a team, the music is just starting to play.

Disclaimer: This may not make sense to anyone, but I have to write to clear my brain.

Dear Little Brother,

I write this not for sympathy, but as my way to talk to my brother who was tragically killed for years ago. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, so every year I write him a letter to tell him how things shook out in the prior year.

January 23, 2009. My brother, minding his own business in his apartment, was shot 3 times as an innocent bystander in Phoenix, AZ. He died enroute to the hospital. It was about 6 weeks before his 28th birthday.  I was 24 miles away from him. Saw it on the news an hour after it happened, but since they do not release details, it did not identify him. 

HEY! What’s up Mario. Jesus. It’s been four years. 4. Long. Years. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. Possibly because when I talk to myself, I often imagine that you are in the room with me and telling me that “I’m stupid,” or “That’s a good idea,” OR "To shut my damn mouth."
Either way, I do think about you. So, last year or so, you missed A LOT. Let me speed catch you up on some of the things:

1. Jordan finished 2nd Grade, with all A’s. That was pretty sweet. He's gotten ginormous. Pretty funny too. You'd like him. He talks about you. How you took him fishing and stuff. That's probably his most fondest memories of you.

2. I wrote a book. Yes, a book. 1st in a series. Oh yeah, sold it too. Just have yet to receive my advance. In due time though. I’m not worried. It’s about twin superheroes.

3. In May, I woke up one Sunday, went to church and heard the greatest word ever. Basically it was “Change your life, and only you can do it.” Which prompted me to…

4. Fulfill a promise I made 4 years ago to the date, to you. That I would pursue my dream, and leave Phoenix, and give LA a real shot. So in July, I moved. So far, it’s been one hell of a ride since then.


So, little bro this is where things got a tad bit dicey…

5. In August, Mom passed away. Now I know you already know this because you guys are probably hanging out bouncing from cloud to cloud and peeking in on the rest of us from time to time, so I still have to tell you, for my sanity. Hug her for me. Tell her I miss her and stuff.

6. Jordan turned 8, the day after her funeral. He didn't ask for much. A cake, and a movie. Awesome.

7. Oh yeah, you’re not going to like this. So I apologize in advance.. I know you always wanted me to get along with Michael, but some things aren’t meant to be. KNOW that I tried my hardest, but that dude has some serious issues. He needs help, and hopefully he gets it before it's too late. I haven’t talked to him since 9-12-11. Apparently he thought I was playing when I said that would be THE last time I ever spoke to him. He calls and texts, but I do not answer. I do not regret it. So, with that, I am sorry. I tried.

8. Went to New York for the first time. That was great. I saw things I had never seen in my life. I had meetings for the book, and got some good feedback from it. Still lots of work to do. It’s a process. I even think the publishing date of 2013 is going to be pushed back.

9. Silas is good. Dad told me he sees him quite often. So all is well there. He's still my favorite nephew.

10. Me and dad aren’t as close as we used to be. Used to talk to him often, but for some reason or another, that too has changed. I feel now that you and mom are gone, I really am not close to anyone else in the family.

11. Thanksgiving and Christmas, both quiet. I spent time with Demitria and the kids but that’s about it. Most of the other time, was at my place by myself. Oh yeah, 4 years remission. You were there for my last treatment. That was pretty awesome.

12. OH MY GOD. Your favorite NFL team the Detroit Lions, were good AND they made the playoffs. That was all though. They got the living piss beat out of them by the Saints.

13. Wrote a TV pilot and shot part of it. It’s funny because I wrote it with you in mind. I imagined all of the things that you would do to me if you came back as a ghost. Pretty funny stuff.
I don’t know. I guess as the years go by it’s supposed to get easier. In some ways, it has, but then again it hasn’t. So, here’s the thing about the dude that shot you. I found out some things. He is currently serving 25 to Life. I sent my “Obligatory” letter to him, mailed it Friday and if my calculations are correct he should get it today. Doesn’t say much really. Just a lot of the same stuff year after year.

1. Facts about you.
2. How I hope life is treating him well.
3. Just because he's incarcerated doesn't mean he can't learn some things.
4. Become better everyday.

He has sent me a total of thirteen letters, but I have refused to read them. They go directly in the trash. I said my peace the day I went to meet him.

So that's it. This year is already better. The first full year in LA this year will be sweet. I am looking forward to it.I can say this, I miss you bro. Life has been crazy the last few years, but through it all, I am still standing like an oak tree. I refuse to let it get me down. I just will keep pushing forward. I carry both you and our mother close to my heart, and for you two I bill be strong. I will complete my goals this year, and I will do it with a smile on my face, whether I succeed or fail.

You take care, I'm sure we will be talking soon. I love you, forever. I know I didn't tell you that much when you were here, but know that I felt it.

I love you,
Marcus

We made a video!

Fatherly Advice

Starring Jordan Stricklin & Marcus A. Stricklin :)

The Quest

Hello All,


Well, this probably is my final blog from AZ. So I figured I would take sometime to say some good-byes, and outline some goals for the impending move to CA.

Today's song is brought to you by Bryn Christopher. I heard this song watching Grey's Anatomy during season 4 and it instantly became a favorite. Ironically, I also thought it was sung by a woman. Boy was I wrong. Way wrong. Like off by a full gender.

It's seriously an awesome song though.

So with that, here is today's blog. It's my final farewell to AZ.

Ten Things I'm pretty sure I think: A Comparison of July 1, 1998 and July 1, 2011  

1. Ironically the same day I moved to AZ 13 years ago (July 1st) is the exact day I'm moving this year.
2. This is the longest I've lived in one spot. Growing up in witness protection was hard.
3. I moved here with two friends by my side (Wagg and Nags) and leaving with about 1,000+ new ones.
4. I moved here a single man, and pretty much leaving the same way.
5. I moved here with no child, and leaving with one freaking awesome son, who's mother is probably one of my bestest friends in the world, and I love them to death.
6. I moved to AZ with $713.00, leaving with 13.00. Thanks AZ.
7. Contrary to what everyone believes, 13 is lucky for me (13 is my son's bday, I've been attacked by 13 ninjas...and lived, I've survived Jason's sexual advances on Friday the 13th, and I've lived in AZ for 13 years.)
8. I came to AZ an immature 18 year old, and leaving AZ just as immature but 31.
9. I leave terrible memories behind here, some would say I'm running from them, and they are absolutely right, one in particular. But there also are tons and tons of great ones, of which I'll cherish forever.
10. What's really funny...is that 4.5 hours away, isn't that far from AZ, but CA is an entirely different world...wrapped in bacon.

The Quest, and what I'm seeking -

People often talk about "taking the shot." You know taking the shot at what they really want. Well, I think I've waited long enough to take mine. So I'm going for it. Hitting LA hard. I've always wanted to be a TV writer, which leads to movies and other stuff, so I'm going after it.

It's a scary proposition. Leaving a job I've gotten used to, comfortable with. But I guess about 2 years ago I reached the point where I wasn't happy with my job and it made me more stressful/irritable and at times unbearable to be around. Life is short, and it should be lived in a way that makes you happy. So I'm pulling a Wile E. Coyote, going to step off the cliff and if I fail, at least I tried.

I guess anyone that knows me, knows I'm a resiliently persistent person. I see the silver lining in everything, even when the outcome looks glum. I guess having to overcome a pretty big health problem a few years back, it's easy to see that nothing is impossible if you try hard enough, and you believe. You can't get far in life if you don't believe in yourself, because until you do, no one else will.

Leaving "Me" behind -

Someone I greatly admire and respect told me to leave all the negativity behind upon my pending move. And I'm going to take her advice wholeheartedly. Much like everyone, I too can be an ass (actual photo to the left, I remember that grass fondly).

I have negative views about things at times, and sometimes it does get in the way of living my life. So I've tried to bury that and remove that part of me. It's not productive, matter of fact, it can be very counter productive. She was right, truthfully speaking, it made me look at myself. By no means do I believe I'm perfect, but I do agree with her assessment. I suppose if I am making this bold move in my life at this point, I need to be receptive to change, and that doesn't just mean the scenery. Change comes from within and I don't want to project something I'm not, so since I received that advice back in May, I've changed my perspective and approach. It's not easy hearing bad things about yourself, but we all have to be receptive to criticism and know that the other person is coming to you because they care.

Ten Goals -

I have pretty specific goals. I want to focus and create a better life for my son, that's pretty much the only goal, and by doing that, I have to be happy with my path in life. So, my goals are as follows:

1. Continue to be the best dad I can be.
2. Regardless, I will devote 3-4 hours per day to writing.
3. I'm not moving to LA for "fun." I have this inner need to work hard and get into the TV writing world.
4. Rewriting my first movie I tried to make on my own, and reshooting it.
5. Rewriting my tv pilot from last year, and writing 2 new ones, and shooting all 3 starting in January.
6. Finishing the tons of scripts I have started and never finished (currently...6)
7. Finishing my Fiction book, and my Non-Fiction book.
8. Getting into either WB, Disney, or NBC's Diversity TV writing program. 1 would be excellent. I'd be happy for the opportunity
9. Living life, and sprinkling in fun with old friends (doors always open for an LA visit ya'll) and new friends.
10. Come up with a 10th goal.

Lately - 

I've had second thoughts. You know how doubt creeps into your mind when you overthink things sometimes. Well I've been there. And thankfully I feel I am doing the right thing. So I guess this is it. 

So I'll insert a few cliches here:

• No guts no glory
• You can't win if you don't play
• You can't score if you don't shoot
• Go Big or Go Home
• Quit actin' like a baby

I'll miss my AZ friends a lot, but you all know where you can find me. Most likely tethered to my desk, in Burbank. I seriously am going at this as hard as possible. Always welcome to hit me up if you want to crash for a night or two (payment to include laughter, and possibly a meal of sorts.)

Thanks for reading, take care, God Bless.

Unwritten

Hello All,

So far and few in between blogging. Been busy lately. Work, looking for a place to live, writing, being a dad...it can be exhausting, but i wouldn't trade places with anyone.  Today's blog title is by one of my favorite artists, Natasha Bedingfield.

So today's blog is a little out of my norm. I was asked the other day:

Random Friend: "Why do you write?"

And without thinking, I was able to totally come up with reasons as to why I write. So with that, I'll explain why I write, and how I choose topics, and my overall process.

Why do I write?

"Honestly, I don't know." That was my answer.

But after a few seconds, I was able to recompose myself and give my answer:

Have you ever had an idea that you just couldn't shake, and it totally invades your dreams, your life, and every encompassing thought? That's how a story, a movie script, a TV script, or a short story is born. At least for me. I find myself thinking about it all the time and before long I have an outline and then I'm fully immersed in it. Then after buckets of deleted material (see right), yelling, random dance parties, a few naps, and sometimes tears of frustration...I have a story that needs to be rewritten, edited, critqued. I can't stop writing until a story or script is complete.

I get ideas from everything. My mind is constantly moving. Seriously. The truth is, I can't turn my mind off. Like ever. Some nights I literally have to pray to God to stop my brain from thinking so I can sleep. Some would call that "schizophrenia" but those voices don't argue with each other....not out loud at least.

My Writing Process:

I find myself writing notes (the picture to the left is actually a picture of my desk), and before then, those notes start to form a story or a quote, or a paragraph and anyone that tries to read them would say "what is this gibberish," but it makes sense to me.

Oddly enough, depending on what I am writing, I have two different processes. TV Scripts and Movie scripts get written in notebooks and then typed (which coincidentally is also part of the rewrite process), then I  send it out to my screenwriting partner, and we laugh and cut stuff out like crazy people. A few more rewrites later we have a polished script ready for the small stable of actors I am fortunate enough to trust me, read and react to it...and then we decide to shoot it.

Book writing I find, I have to glue my hands to a computer from the start. I sketch out an outline (the picture to the right is the outline of my recently completed novel)  from chapter to chapter and of course, it totally changes based on the way the words flow out of my brain. Then the same as before, I have people I trust read it, and rewrite it until I am happy with it completely.


(Sidenote: I fully am aware that I have a sticky note obsession)

So what am I working on:

A lot. Seriously. Writing is like a second job when you are not an established writer. Currently I am working on finishing my TV pilot, 5 short films, a few spec tv scripts for studio consideration for internships, and two manuscripts...one fiction and one non-fiction.

In short, a little advice:

I always say the same thing: if you want something...go for it. Life is short.  If you have an idea for a book, a tv show, a movie, a short, a sketch...what's stopping YOU from writing it. The best writers in the world write, they continue to do so even when things are at their worst, even when you feel as if you are standing on the corner of "writers block." You can achieve anything you put your mind to. I'm a firm believer in that, and will continue to do so until I take my last breath. Just keeping typing and before you know it..."THE END" will be in sight.

One word at a time, one day at a time....writer's unite!


To all my fellow writers out there, WORD.