Back of Da Club

Hello All,

I hope that each of you had a wonderful weekend…although I for one that it went WAY too fast (TWSS). So week is 20% over and I hope that it goes by very quickly so we can hurry up and get to the weekend. Hope the Father’s out there had a great Father’s Day! Today’s blog title is brought to you by Mashonda. I only post this because…well The Club is a beast of a place…and humorous. So with that, I will jump into the blog.

Erika’s 10 Things I Think I Think, O.k. 12 today… – The NightCLUB Version – I am a people watcher and this is what I saw over the course of one night at two clubs (Oscar Taylor’s and PHX…which PHX Sucked). This is why clubs and me…we don’t get along all too well.

1. If you wear sunglasses to a NIGHT club guy or girl…you are a douche bag. Plain and simple. The sun will not be up when you leave the club, and it certainly wasn’t up when you arrived. You look dumb…I will make fun of you.
2. To the girl at the bar who sits there waiting for a guy to approach her and buy her a drink…you are half gold digger half idiot.
3. To the guy who buys the aforementioned girl that drink…you are stupid…especially as she drinks it…and then walks away. S-N-A-P-S.
4. To the group of super hot chicks* that comes into the club making a grand entrance (usually like 4 or 5…token ugly chick included) and then is virtually unapproachable because no one is infiltrating the group unless the token ugly chick is preoccupied…you suck. *Note this can also apply to "token ugly guy" as well.
5. To the creepy guy standing on the wall watching every one dance…especially in a club where hardly any one is at…well…I would say you suck…but that really doesn’t need to be mentioned. Extra negative points if you happen to be standing there touching yourself…you are a loser.
6. To the guy with the super tight jeans/pants (how DO you walk) and the girl with the halter top that we all wonder HOW you all fit into it (I really believe a form of oil is involved to squeeze into said clothing for the both of you)…please see a tailor immediately.
7. To the guy/girl that cannot handle their liquor and subsequently can NOT make it to the bathroom to relieve themselves of said liquid orally…you suck…EPIC…FAIL. You need to know when enough…is enough.
8. To the overeager/frisky bouncer who pretty much performed a “turn and cough” aka the “nut check,”…thanks for the violation…and next time try not to smile at me afterwards….I need to go and take another shower just thinking about it.
9. To the girls who think it’s funny to buy back to back shots of patron for you…well…in a way it’s cool even though we said we HATE tequila. Thanks…I do hate tequila…although it makes people (and by people…two in particular…you know who you are) do funny…HILARIOUS things. Also I still feel the burning sensation in my chest…two days later.
10. To the guy who feels the need to flash your gigantic wad of cash at the bar to show us (and by us I mean those ladies you are trying so hard to impress, the rest of us are thinking you are a tool) all that you have money….keep in mind we are in a recession…you may get robbed…and you are a gigantic douchebag of tardness. Plus we all know you emptied out your 154 dollars out of your bank account to have that “Wad” of cash anyway. Those one dollar bills aren’t fooling anyone.
11. To the Cougar that stands near the bar luring unsuspecting young men to your cougar nest….it’s kinda creepy. Do us a favor and tone down the seventeen layers of makeup, and stop looking so desperate. You are pretty…you don’t have to try that hard…
12. To “Likes to fight Guy.” Seriously you aren’t 12 anymore. No one cares that you think you are “Billy Badass.” I would like to make my way to the bathroom without having to hear you talk trash to another guy….and subsequently get knocked out before I exit the bathroom. In the honorable words of Smokey…”You got Knocked the “f-ck out!”

Rachael Real Moment – Mean people suck. Plain and simple. I am not a fan of being mean to people and I really hate it when it happens to me or my friends. Life is too short to always be upset or standoffish and take your anger and frustration out on others. You don’t want to be that person that dies and everybody says…”Well he/she was a mean son of a bitch…good riddance.” Besides what has anger ever gotten you? Punched in the face, a middle finger salute, made fun of? What! I just don’t get it. I know that life is short and that we should all strive to treat each other the way we want to be treated…but why do some people find it so hard to do that? I wish the world can be seen through the eyes of a child. They are so forgiving, so lovable, and not judgmental at all. Remember…what goes around often times comes back around….

Eugene Sports thought of the Day – This is how much I miss real sports, the ones with contact (Football, Basketball, Hockey) I found myself watching a game of Cricket on ESPN.Com the other day. Never watched it or knew what the sport was about…I just was that bored. Nearly 55 days until the NFL Pre-Season kicks off….

Also...respect Pope.

Pete Thought of The Day – This…is a creepy picture. I typed in Cricket in photobucket search and that’s what came up. Like 4 or 5 pictures came up. I mean…who does that? Such a weirdly odd photo that I figured I would share it with you all….

I am seriously creeped out by this damn thing....isn't it weird. Even the Photoshop is such a bad job that it really makes no sense. I would like to meet the person who did this picture...really I would...

Mindy Moment – Disney deadline is mid august…and I just found out that what I wrote for the application…not eligible. 62 pages of crap now because they changed their criteria..DAMNIT. So I have to push some things aside and bang out a new script so I can apply for the Disney Fellowship…again. I am drawing a blank as to what TV show I should write about…and maybe I will do an episode of 30 Rock. I have 61 days to complete a 21 page script then…which sucks because I am in the midst of writing a really funny screenplay.

Julie Happy Thought of the Day – Lazy days are the best days ever. Jordan had a huge lazy day last Friday where I picked him from Summer Camp and he slept from 5:45 pm…until 7:30 a.m. the next morning (And he didn’t even move for about 10 hours). For me…the last two weekends I have found myself laying in bed on Sunday mornings being absolutely lazy. Not getting up until 11 and laying there and having mindlessly entertaining conversation with my girlfriend….and of course laughing about the previous nights events. I guess I am just grateful that life is starting to slow down from the speed race that it has been over the last few years.

P.S. People falling…still funny as ever to me. I saw a kid yesterday literally fall over in front of me…and I nearly spit my sandwich out from the pure and utter hilarity of the situation…because he fell and he fell so awkwardly that both of his shoes fell off. I can’t lie…I laughed out loud.

Misty Movie Reviews –

Land of the Lost - I saw this movie…and I have to say…it wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be. Will Ferrell has his moments…but both Anna Friel and the newly funny/awesome Danny McBride steal the movie. The special effects are pretty cool and like I said Will Ferrell has his moments which some are really really funny…especially with the T-Rex. I loved the TV show and one of the things that kills me is that Hollywood is starting to take every TV show and make it into a movie. I give it 3 stars…it’s worth a DVD watch. Surprisingly though…not a kids movie…lots of adult language.

The Hangover – Seen it 4 times. Loved it 4 times. Laughed 4 times at every scene. 5 stars still.

Saw the trailer for the following movie and since I LOVED the book as a child…

Where the Wild things are - Man this takes me back to my childhood….gives me chills.

JJ song of the week – I have to admit…never really been that big a fan of Beyonce Music…but I am Sasha Fierce was a dope album.…lately though a lot of her songs have made it to the coveted IPOD spot.

Mainly I love this song because of my favorite Rap Artist Mr. Kanye West. Ego Remix by Beyonce ft Kanye West.

Mary Random Facts –
1. There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
2. There are 10 million people who share your birthday.
3. There are 300 distinct different types of honey.
4. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today.
5. 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
6. There are over 15,000 miles of lighted neon tubing in the many signs on the Strip and downtown Las Vegas
7. 12% of men never use their car blinkers…14% of women don’t either.
8. There are 403 steps from the foundation to the top of the torch in the Statue of Liberty.
9. There are 318,979,564,000 possible ways to play the first four moves per side in a game of chess
10. There are 170,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 ways to play the ten opening moves in a game of chess.
11. Chuck Norris Fact of the day - Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
12. Bonus Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris can speak Braille
13. Super Bonus Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris once won a game of connect four…in 3 moves.

Heather Joke of the Day – it’s just a few shirts that I saw…(Credit goes to Julie though, she sent them to me.)

Hulu Show of the Week– Is this show called “Locked up Abroad.” A National Geographic show that talks about U.S. Citizens that have been detained overseas (or kept against their will) for various reasons. A fascinating show. I have watched a few episodes and it has left me virtually speechless as the amazing things that happen to people…and how some survived…

Video Links – (Powered By Break.Com and Youtube.Com and today Hulu.Com)
Immigrant Tale (4:22)
Party Guys (1:35)
MVPuppets Talk About Movies (:17)
Leprechaun In Alabama (2:03) This is so stupid…it’s funny. The amateur SKETCH (at :47)is THE greatest thing…ever. It’s amazing how dumb people are….This thing makes me laugh out loud.
Flip to Basketball shot (1:22) A-M-A-Z-I-N-G
E-P-I-C Fail (:52) Damn…
Cancelled WoW account Rant (2:06) This is tard-tastic! World of Warcraft…I found myself laughing pretty hard at this…I think he tried to put a remote in his butt at one point….
Puppy Passed out (:28)
Popcorn in Slow motion (:37)

Jordan Quote of the week – “If anything…you aren’t Batman, you are Robin. You aren’t Superhero material…you are sidekick material.”

Damn. He told that to one of the kids he was playing with at Summer Camp as I was filling out some paperwork on Friday. I felt bad for that kid for a second…and then I was like….OWNED. Jordan OWNED another kid like I’ve never heard before. Damn. That’s all I can say…Damn. My kid has had some zingers over the last few weeks…he is on a roll…and he’s only 5. As he gets older…I fear what he may say out of pure and utter humor. My kid is becoming a verbal juggernaut...makes me prouder than hell...

Coming Attractions –

Today – Um…I am in the office. Fun stuff. I have been here since 4:30 it is now nearly 7 and I can say I haven’t done one thing of note. I am working until 12:30 and then out of here. At home working out, taking a nap, writing and hanging with my girl. We are all going to the 12:01 a.m. showing of Transformers.

Wednesday – At home working. Lots of it to do. Oh and Hulu-ing of course.

Thursday – In the office. Fun. O.k. Not really fun. Thursday is the day I want to go crazy because it seems nothing gets done. Working on a music video treatment.

Friday – In the office…I literally have no Friday night plans. Probably kicking back at the terror dome of dopeness…oh yes I am cleaning so the place is spotless for the Madden Tournament.

The end –of the blog is here. I hope that you all had a safe and awesome weekend. I hope this week goes by quickly and that you all have a smile on your wonderful faces. Thank you so much for reading…I love you…God bless you!

Can't tell me Nothing (o.k. you can!!)

Hello All,

I hope that you all had a great week!! It seemed to have gone by pretty quickly, although some would argue with that. But…I do hope that it was as great as you each deserve. I had a good week….and ready for a nice smooth weekend! Today’s blog title is brought to you by my FAVORITE rap Artist of all time…Mr. Kanye West. I LOVE this guy and pretty much 99% of his music. So with that, I will jump into the blog.

Erika’s 10 Things I Think I Think –
1. Stupid 100 degree days…I am not a fan. They came back with a vengeance. Now we are suffering the wrath.
2. Ever get the need to rearrange things? I feel the need to rearrange my room? Why? I have no clue…just feel the need. May have to act on that this weekend.
3. My friend Heather brought this up…but I will elaborate also. I don’t like the people that feel the need to consistently comment on someone’s weight whether they are overweight or underweight. We live in a society that is very “image” conscious so the concept of weight has been turned over to the tabloids. Do us all a favor…keep your opinions to yourself…no one gives an ounce what you think about their weight.
4. Just a little positivity…”All our Dreams can come true…if we have the courage to pursue them.” Walt Disney
5. Football season is not coming fast enough….Also good for Roger Goodell not wasting anytime suspending Donte Stallworth. I do have to admit…Mike Vick got a lot more time in jail for killing an animal…Mr Stallworth got 30 days in jail for drunk driving and killing a man. Our legal system is screwed up just a tad….
6. As I sit here and type this…a bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich sounds oh sooooo good.* Note…that didn’t last long…sandwich was created and destroyed mid blog.
7. I HATE folding laundry. It is the absolute worst. Plus my dryer sucks (mental note…call them and have them replace it today) and I have to run the load two or three times to have it completely dried.
8. I can’t believe I have been a father for nearly 6 years….man time FLIES by.
9. I haven’t played scrabble in a while. I am in dire need of a mind massage. Anyone game? They have it on Facebook (which we all spend our time on there anyway, and they have Lexulous). So send me a request any one that wants to play. Not you Pete…I massacred you last few times. The national guard is still cleaning up the mess.
10. Thank…God…It’s…Friday!

Rachael Real Moment – I am in the midst of writing my best story…ever. This is not a joke. It is a screenplay (I dare NOT divulge any details). I will tell you a few things. Adventures are awesome, especially when you get to make up the details. The main character is my brother Mario and his son Silas. It is not like anything you have ever heard of or read…I can guarantee you that. I have written nearly 65 pages in 11 days. It is both sad and heartwarming. I used Mario because he was an avid outdoorsman and this just fits with him. This is my tribute to him. I believe he is fueling my utter desire to complete it. I haven’t been this inspired in a while partly due to him, and partly due to other factors. Either way…this is a story that has a very surprising twist to it. One that I do not believe any one will see coming. I can’t lie, this story has made shed a few tears while writing it. I am going to finish the first draft in the next two weeks and start the rewrite as I travel next month. Then it is going out to agencies (along with my demo reel for film and a copyright on the script) in August. I will sell a script or three of mine before year’s end.

Eugene Sports thought of the Day – Favre. Favre. Favre. Favre. I AM SICK OF BRET FAVRE. If I have to turn on Sportscenter (Eugene, Sportscenter is a program that we watch sports highlights (a compilation of sports clips and news) on…yes I am a dick). For a Packer, I used to love him…now he is making me want to gouge my eyes out every time I tune into Sportscenter or read Peter King, or go to ESPN.com OR listen to John Madden talk about him. Either way Favre…retire.

Pete Thought of The Day – Happy Father’s day to each and every one of my fellow fathers out there. I can’t speak for any of you…but for me…Fatherhood is THE greatest thing I have accomplished. Yes I have corrupted my son to no end…but I love that little guy like no other. He gives me new life every day, he makes me want to be a better person…to provide a good life for him. I am grateful that God choose such a wonderful child for me and that he has provided me with insight and wisdom to be a good parent to him. I love being a father…greatest..thing…EVER. I love you Jordan, thanks for making my job that much easier.

Mindy Moment – Two weeks from today Mindy…I will be in Seattle. You better start conjuring up some fun ideas. We could go and hang with Brandon if you’d like…just throwing that out there.

Julie Happy Thought of the Day – I wish I had the power to make all weekends mandatory 3 day weekends. Wouldn’t that be great! And it would be better if we got paid for being off.

Misty Movie Reviews – No movies I have seen since Tuesday…but I did buy Family Guy season 7.

Family Guy Volume 7- In my house…FAMILY GUY is king. We watch it religiously. Almost every day! So when Volume 7 of Family Guy came out…naturally we got it. It might be THE funniest season of Family Guy to date. I haven’t laughed nearly as hard at any of the other seasons as I did this one. If you LOVE Family Guy…this DVD set is for you. Definitely 5 stars.

JJ song of the week – Taylor Swift took it up a notch. Always thought she was cute as a little country star…but damn. Her music video with T-Pain (She is T-Swizzle) might be one of THE greatest/Funniest things ever. Check it out Here.

I guarantee you will laugh. Her lyrics had me cracking up.

Mary Random Facts –

1. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
2. The shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
3. There are more chickens than people in the world.
4. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
5. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
6. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
7. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
8. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
9. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
10. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
11. Chuck Norris Fact of the day - When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
12. Bonus Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage (this one made me laugh out loud…I actually never heard this one before)

Heather Joke of the Day – “Mistaken Identity”

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car .''Priceless.

Hulu Show of the Week– Is this show called “The Riches.” It’s about a poor con artist family that takes on the identity of a rich family, and the show is about how they fit in. It’s actually a pretty good show. I laugh out loud frequently, but it has good writing and awesome characters. Check it out at the link above. Love you Hulu :)

Video Links – (Powered By Break.Com and Youtube.Com)

Amazing Football toss – (:42)
Family Guy - Songs Named After a Girl (1:20)
Family Guy - Music & Lyrics By Stewie Griffin (1:26)
Family Guy - Bird is the Word! (1:18)
MVP Puppets Kobe’s Celebration (:33) This…is awesome. Thanks JJ.
Dancing Baby Brother (:32)
When Animals Attack (:49)
Mattress Dominoes (:16)

Jordan Quote of the week – “I didn’t get you anything for father’s day…so here you can have these…” (he holds up a pair of floaties, a half eaten doughnut, and a boogie board). “Happy Fathers day he yelled!”

Coming Attractions –

Today – Decided to work from home. Folding the mountain of laundry occupying my kitchen table. Picking up Jordan and we are going fishing. Possibly going to see Year One tonight…looks really funny.
Saturday – At home with Jordan. Going to dinner with Demitria and Jordan for Father’s day. Then going out with my beautiful girl and her friends.
Sunday – Allegedly going to the river. If not…do my normal Father’s day routine. Harkins Cup and an all day marathon at the movie theater. Sounds fun…cause it is.
Monday – At home working. Not much else after that. Football practice and cleaning up my apartment.
Tuesday - In the office? Yes there we go...in the office. Blogging :)

The end –of the blog is here. I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and most importantly…it is safe. Thank you so much for reading…I love you…God bless you!